Today I’m being kind to myself, gratitude and self love are needed as I’ve been having an emotionally tearful day, which is surprisingly good, as tears don’t flow easily for me, and I am grateful for the release I am experiencing along with allowing of letting go of past traumas. Having attended a Reiki and crystal meditation yesterday evening with my Reiki master Lisa and her partner David during which I could feel the healing I received dislodging trapped emotions that were ready to be let go as the universal energy worked its magic through my body.

I’ve come to realise we all hold trapped trauma in our bodies from various painful events that take place in our lives, and I especially held mine. My mothers drug fuelled suicide and the experience of childhood abuse took their toll on me as a child and I learnt to push my pain down and close my heart as a tool of self-protection and self-preservation  which was a continued practice until one day I just couldn’t anymore, getting to a place where my pain spilled out of me causing me not to be able to function as a mother, wife, friend, work colleague or even meet my daily needs, then the questions we ask ourselves surfaced: Who am I? Why am I unable to cope with everyday life? What is my purpose? Why am I here? Why do I feel unloved? Why do I feel rejected? Why do I feel abandoned?  Why am I in pain?

Over the years I had tried various medications which just coated over and dulled my pain and I had many talks with my GP trying to understand why depression and anxiety affected me so harshly until one day I realised that nobody was coming to save me as I would only be able to save myself. To move forward I needed to take responsibility and find a way to heal. So, I looked towards taking a more spiritual holistic approach.

I had previously tried Reiki and had found this helpful and had enjoyed the feeling of the healing energies and colours which were beautiful to experience. I would practice self-healing and meditation which I found difficult at first due to the chatter and chaos of my monkey mind. But overtime my practices were getting better as I learnt to acknowledge and let go of invasive thoughts as I sat in practice.

During my work life I work with vulnerable people and was able to bring some of my practices to help calm them whilst they dealt with emotionally difficult times, often using the 5 principles of Reiki to help bring them into the here and now, covid arrived and the world felt like it had gone into chaos. I was aware of the fearful energy that people were projecting as lockdown came and I struggled to manage my energy and emotions and was triggered as I felt attacked by the negativity around me. Feeling people’s pain and fear I knew I needed to learn to help others as well as keep up the practice to help myself.

My husband had received Reiki from a childhood friend Lisa who is a Reiki Master and had been practicing Reiki for many years along with her partner David, so I asked him to book us onto level 1 Reiki course.  The course was a two-day event spaced a month apart and we attended their home with a small group of like-minded souls. Prior to the start of the course, we had to have a Reiki session with Lisa, and I was surprised how by the unsettled emotions and visualisations that came through.

During the course we discussed how the universal energies were a gift and the practitioner was just the vessel as the client’s mindset and acceptance of the healing depended on what was needed at that time. We also had to practice Reiki on ourselves and keep a journal and reflect  on our progress and what came up for us during our journey.  Chakras were explained as well as the importance of them being balanced and how we are affected when they are out of balance. I really enjoyed learning to feel my Chakra’s, which gave an understanding of where I was out of alignment and what areas I knew I had to work on. At a recent Mind, Body and Spirit event organised by Lisa and David I had an aura photo taken which captured my aura I was amazed to see a beautiful lavender energy with pockets of white. I was able to see evidence of my chakras which matched exactly how I was feeling that day, this just validated my process.

Lisa explained that we all use Reiki naturally to comfort ourselves or relieve us of pain and injuries when we place our hand on areas of our bodies which are hurting or have been injured. I thought back to how I comforted my children when they were upset, distressed, or hurt and how we rub and put our hand to the area where they are feeling pain and realised how our energy worked. The most profound experience I had was during the receiving of my attunement.  As Lisa placed her hands a few inches away from my head the intensity was something I had never experienced before and felt like electricity was coming from her hands and were stuck to the side of my head as the attunement transferred which was a beautifully powerful experience.

A few months later I completed Reiki level 2 where we went deeper into the exploration of the Reiki symbols, activation, byosen scanning and how you can use Reiki remotely as there is no such thing as distance in the energetic realm. We were shown how to give Reiki to others and how to cleanse our own and the client’s energy fields, and the importance of grounding were also explained. This benefited me greatly as I often struggle to feel grounded and regularly felt spaced out and airy during the day which relates to the root Chakra and my survival.

 As we worked on each other I felt empowered when feeling the connection to the client and my awareness of noticing areas that needed to be cleared. Reiki can bring up a variety of emotions and feelings within everyone as everyone’s journey is personal them themselves. What I found interesting was whilst working on another person, when you identify any blockages, you pick up a knowing and your hands have a feeling of being unable to move on until the energy has completed it work and allows you to continue. I realised there is something more that is unseen but not unfelt but struggled with my ability and lacked confidence to practice on others.

A few months following this I came to a point where I was struggling emotionally, although I was giving myself healing on a regular basis due to the ongoing chaos of lockdowns, I was having bouts of anxiety. I have always been very sensitive to others energy, and I felt that I was not only dealing with my own deep-rooted trauma but was picking up on others and the collective around me. The anxiety was impacting on my enjoyment of life, even simple tasks such as popping to the shops were being affected and I started to isolate myself finding it hard to function daily as I felt like I was being emotionally attacked. I could feel I was being triggered by what was going on around me. Emotions within the household and the energy in our home was unsettling.

I had attended a Sound Bath which Lisa and David organised.  It used breathwork to ground and uses the vibration of sound to clear your energy bodies and fields during which I could feel the trapped anxiety trying to release from my body. I chatted with Lisa following this and explained my struggles.  Lisa offered to help with Spiritual Health Check which involves remote clearing of the home and family members energy and Hypnotherapy as my traumas are deep rooted and I gratefully agreed knowing I would have to address my deep hidden childhood traumas.

SRT helps clear negative entities, spiritual attachments, dissociated sub-personalities, and any previous contracts from past lives as well as balancing your energy fields. A time is set and Lisa and David work remotely with their guides to clear the family and my home. I felt tired in the days following this but as the week went on, I noticed a change in the family, the children were calmer and more reasonable, and I felt lighter and clearer as I adjusted to a clearer energy and felt great and more balanced.

I started the Hypnotherapy sessions soon after and Lisa would chat to me about the issues I felt I needed to talk about including what I enjoyed and places I where I felt protected. Using breathing to relax Lisa would talk me through and take me on a journey into a deep hypnotic state where I felt focused and tuned into that moment. During the journey suggestions are made to let go of baggage helping you feel lighter and look at the incidents that caused you pain but from a different perspective and without judgement. The acceptance to let go is always down to the person and during these sessions I was grateful to rid myself of these negative emotions and always felt safe to be able to do so. I did have one session where I wasn’t ready to give that trauma up and that’s ok, as I understand I will when I make that decision as I will revisit it when ready.

I completed six sessions and felt I had made huge progress with my healing journey. I have continued to practice Reiki personally  and often offer this to family members as well as myself. I have recordings from Lisa that I am able to use when I feel the need for some therapy. I understand the importance of protection and grounding and feel the affects if I have not  done it for a few days as I am very sensitive to others energy and I often discuss alternative therapy to my clients and send them healing if asked. Learning to sit with our emotions is a way to heal.  I have realised sitting in our pain and sadness is part of the process and you need to go through it to grow.

My journey made me realise how little I knew about myself and that I can’t control what happens, but I can control the way I perceive things. At times life is hard and doesn’t make sense, but there is hope and I feel that the experience of Reiki and Hypnotherapy has helped work through my pain and help me be present as I trust in the process. It’s a choice to take a different approach, working through the pain and sadness is slow but using these tools is helping me grow along with gratitude to bring me peace. I CAN heal and will, I have booked to complete my Reiki practitioners’ course in the new year and look forward to continuing my journey and in the future share what I have learnt. As Pierre Teilhard de Charding stated “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual being having a human experience”.

Review provided by email from Tanya Smart, Newport,  11^th December 2023